When we're children and we look towards the rest of our life, it seems like such a long time. Forever.
..It's not.
I think we all discover this life truth in our own way. Mine was when the doctors told me that I had a 90% probability of dying within the next 5 years. Yeah, there were other factors thrown in that made that realization hammer home for me at this young an age; I've lost a lot of people, I've carried heavy burdens, I've known pain beyond words, and so much more. But when the doctors told me that, it made me look back and acknowledge how fast all of that went by, and when I looked forward... Five years? Less? That's nothing. I'm so young. I will BE so young. And yet I face death..
I try to comfort myself with the knowledge that I am not over after I leave this world- I have a place in God's House. I will see all those I love again.
...So far, it doesn't help much. =/
When I look back at my short life, I see that I've already lived a lifetime of bad feelings in a small span. I've decided that I'm going to try to live a lifetime of good feelings in the time I have left. That doesn't mean that I won't feel bad a lot, that I won't fear, that I won't grieve.. It just means that I'm going to keep doing my best to see more than that, because lately that's gotten really hard.
So, I don't know if anybody could follow that, but it's late and I'm tired. So poo on you. =P
You know what I love about this world?
Dandelions. Pretty spots of color and puff in otherwise dull stretches of green. I don't get to see her much anymore, but when my little sister was really little, she would walk around the backyard or field or wherever we happened to be at the time and she'd pick up all the little weed flowers she'd find. The whole time she was pinching those fragile stems, she'd be talking to herself, a little bit of baby talk and a little bit of nonsense talk and a whole lot of pretty princess talk.
I love that last bite of ice cream cone, when it's all cold and soft and a little crunchy, and it just fills your mouth with all those yummy calories. Best nibble in the whole thing.
That moment when the sun is rising and the rays hit everything at that golden angle.. the magic hour. It makes me breathless and full of wonder and bursting with love for God.
That one pair of socks that fits you just right. Mine aren't really a pair; one's striped and one has polk-a-dots. They make me happy.
That person in your life who's so very like a Sunpotato. They make everything just a little bit more amazing.
I'll tell you more thing next time. Right now, I'm too full of thoughts about people and life to say anything else really constructive. I keep going over and over and over the Love that I let go. I did it for him, but... it hurts, and I miss him. I'm trying very hard to remember through this pain that it was the right thing to do.
I remember you, do you remember me? I'm running through this land of darkness, screaming for relief..
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