Hold me closer, Tony Danza.

puking rainbows.

That's the image I get when I think of this last day. Well, technically the last two and a half days.. but considering that I haven't slept they're just kind of blurred together. But seriously, puking rainbows. Everything was great yesterday morning, I was pretty much as close to deliriously happy as I've been since the Christmas Fiasco (I don't even celebrate Christmas. Is that why that day always sucks? It's like some screwy evil mutant Santa midget elves take sadistic pleasure in their twisted methods of taking revenge on my already screwed up life because I refuse to take part in the commercialized madness that goes on every year so that big, corrupt, greedy, money-grubbing executives can get yet another dollar in their already over sized, overstuffed, over everything pockets..yeah. I'm not bitter.). 

Anyway.. everything was great. I glowed. He stayed the night, platonically, night before the night before tonight (understand? =P). We talked, caught up, laughed, joked around, bonded over late night confessions, reminisced on the Before, raided refrigerator for yummy foodstuffs, rinsed, and repeated. .. it was really great. And then we ended up crashing as we cuddled. As I said.. it was really great. And then the waking up, and the work going, and the falling apart happening, and the treatment enduring, and everything else-ing, and it wasn't remotely close to really great. And night before tonight (last night), I didn't sleep... because I came home after the emotional upheaval of the day and I went to my room, and I laid down on my bed fully clothed, too tired to even undress... and I smelled him. 

So I cried. And I didn't sleep. And I over thought and over felt and over analyzed and bleh... And that's the environment in which my last blog blurted forth from my mind. And then today. Oy.

The not sleeping, and the work going, and the self stabbing (story for another time), and the stitches for self stabbing (see previous parenthetical aside), and the work drama-ing, and the money drama-ing with Melman *yes... that IS a nickname. ;)*, and the ignoring still being done by Water Boy, and the hurting still being done by me, and the x-ray for wrist fracturing (yet another story for yet another time), and the stupid boy who I have yet to come up with a nickname for because I'm too damn tired all around, and the pestering by said stupid boy (just to give you an idea ---Him: I've come up with a list of exciting things we can do for the next thirty years. Me: That's cool. I brake for Unicorns. Him: Whaaa...? O_o Me: Oh. I thought we were talking about things that didn't matter.--- V_V)and the excesses of my family.. and I got home after everything- which I'm going to have to go into tonight or something after I sleep or coffee fuel or something- and I laid in the street. And the result of street laying will also go in that blog.. and I can't keep my thoughts straight. I keep getting random images from random things and random thoughts and random feelings, and-... it's randomly chaotic in my head.

But back to the point. puking rainbows. Like I said, and if I didn't I should have, that's the image I keep getting for the past couple days. You know, at first they're all misty and pretty and wow and stuff, and passerby's stop and stare and smile softly. And then all of the sudden, the colors start to tint that gross green, and then they start to lose their brilliance, and then they start to blur together on the edges, and then they start to bleed together, and they really start to get into it- moving around and moaning and groaning and getting feverish and sliding into and out of focus and merging and unmerging and then eventually they all end up melded together into that really icky brown color [and my goodness, now I'm thinking of Legally Blonde... what is wrong with me??!! o_o] and they start shuddering in earnest and dripping strings of weird bogie-like glittering saliva. And then all the sudden they start puking. Just hurling up all this crap.

And let me tell you; it's not pretty. Rainbow puke is almost as bad as Unicorn poop.

And yeah... that's my image. And realizing what I've just said and all the mini rants involved in this, and the disgusting detail I went into, and the fact that I have to work again in about three and a half hours...

I think it's time for me to sleep.