25 February 2011

Rivers Bring Life to Tired Feet

Sometimes I find my mind wandering. Used to be that it'd wander to you, then it wandered to him, and now it wanders to nothing. Maybe nothing. I'm not even sure. It is nothing when all you can hear is your heartsong? Or is it just Jesus?

I don't know. My mind it tired. Tired from no sleep and doctors and prodding and chemo. Tired from pain and hurt and love.

The past few days have been intensely all-consuming. People were coming to Christ, and other people were dying, and kids were coming in screaming, and I dreamed of the world going black over and over and over again. At least I wasn't dreaming of the world going red. Lately, I've been remembering a bunch of stuff that I'd forgotten, things that I didn't necessarily want to remember. I guess that's what introspection does to you.

I have a service thing tonight that I'm teaching at, and then another in the morning. But all I really want to do is go to bed. I'm still technically supposed to be on bed rest. v___v I know, I know. I'm stupid. But my life refuses to go on hold. I'm tired, and the pain is at a ridiculous level. It's just kind of everywhere- and I mean everywhere. Even my tongue hurts. And my toes. And.. everything else. Let me tell ya, it's super hard not to get all pissy and depressed when you are in as much pain as I am.  Pretty sure I'm gonna def have to go back to bed rest. And soon. I hate it, but it's necessary, and my healing process is so slow to begin with that being up and around this much feels like it's basically torn me to shreds on the inside.  I'm so ready to be done with cancer.

IVIG, here I come.

Oh, btw. Got approved for hospital scholarship thingies. lol. =) I did a mental happy dance- too tired to do a physical one. ;) I gotta go. Doctor, then service.

Prayers for healing would be super duper great right now. <3 Thanks.

Peace out, Lovelies. <3