19 January 2011

Two Words: Peace Waffle

Life is insane, but it's life, so whadaya expect?


I'm in the hospital again. v___v Seizures and shakes and stutters and it's officially taken me about 9 minutes to write what I have so far. My gosh, this sucks. I want to go home, and I don't want to sound like a retard anymore (because no matter what Sunpotato says, I sound like a freakin retard. But it's okay. It's okay as long as it isn't permanent) and I want this pain to stop. And I want this lonliness to stop. And I want your idiocy to stop. Yeah, that would be really nice.


You know what else would be awesome? If people would stop telling me that I'm dying. I know I am, I don't need to be reminded every five minutes. I know I'm not getting better. I know I keep getting worse. I know I'm BSing everyone I love about that. I know that the IV chemo we've been doing is a bust, and that the chances of the IVIG working are slim to none. But.. for some reason, I can't resign myself to what the doctors are saying. So, we'll try the IVIG. And we'll pray that I happen to be slim.


So.. wish me luck. Wish me lots of luck.

14 January 2011

*untitled*

So once again, here I am. I don't know how long it's gonna take me to come to grips with the fact that I hate my life. And generally, I strongly dislike statements like that because they tend to be melodramatic.. but in this case, I really do.

I'm so freaking sick of the fighting, the lying, the screaming, the scheming. I'm sick of feeling hated and being alone. I'm just sick of all this pain, physical and otherwise.

And I'm tired. Oh, so tired. Of everything. Of everyone. Of the excuses people engineer to not be a decent human being. Of the sneers that are their common countenance. Of the heavy, oppressive air in this place. I'm tired.

And I'm done. So very done.